How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being a (Gay) Daddy

Photo via Flickr user Bruce Frick

I recently had lunch with my friend Anderson, who was telling me about a sexy, dominant, daddy top he met in San Diego at this year's Gay Pride.

"I always hated when a guy would say something like, 'I want to breed your boy pussy,'" he said. "I don't even like it when they call me 'boy.' I'm not your son, and I don't have daddy issues. But this guy—I've never wanted to drink someone's piss so bad. He fucked me in an alley outside this bar. When I left in the morning, he made me walk naked to my car. None of that is me. But the next weekend I asked if I can see him again. He told me only if I begged him. So I begged."

Anderson works in real estate, and his boyfriend is a corporate lawyer. They're respectable guys: They wear suits and ties to work and belong to a Methodist church. Anderson's not the type you might think would drink a dom daddy's piss.

"He wants me to try sounding," he said. (If you're unaware, this involves sticking something down your urethra.) I tried not to cringe.

"Does Chad know?"

"About San Diego Daddy? No way," Anderson said. "Chad wouldn't understand. You know Chad. He washes his hands after sex. This guy... he made me lick him clean after fucking me in the alley." He looked around the restaurant to see if anyone was listening. "Chad doesn't know the person I am with him. I'm not even sure I know who that person is."

I, too, knew what it's like to have someone draw a different side out of you. A couple of years ago, I met this gorgeous boy from Scruff, a gay dating app. He was 23 years old, and had just graduated from USC.

When we first met, we made out, and it was sweet. When I fucked him, he asked me to choke him.

Afterwards, he asked if I'd ever been anyone's "Sir" before.

I hadn't. It wasn't something I'd ever thought about. I like to consider myself "Los Angeles vanilla": I'll do cum, fucking, light fisting, piss, maybe some spit. I can be a little alpha, but nothing too crazy. This was new for me.

The next time he came over, I made him kneel in my bedroom and wait for me. I left a glass of piss on the bedside table, told him to drink it all, and left. An hour later, I went back in. The glass was empty and he was waiting.

Sometimes, I would fuck him while he washed my dishes. One night I kept him in my closet, taking him out every time I got horny. When I was done with him, I would put him back.

I didn't love him. I don't even know who we would have been if we had gone to the movies together. That wasn't who we were. But we shared something incredibly intimate, something I've only ever shared with him. He brought out a side of me I hadn't known existed.

I am not a Sir to my husband, Alex, or our boyfriend, Jon. Alex and I are adventurous. We like to pick up guys and fuck them and be dirty together. With Jon, I'm different. Jon is less interested in other guys. He likes boyfriend sex. But at the same time, I know he's gotten bathroom blow jobs at parties and pissed on guys—with other men, he becomes another person.

Just like I can. Just like we all can.

And that's what I thought about as I listened to Anderson—how subjective sexuality is. All the ways we get to explore who we are, and how others bring out sides of us we didn't know existed.

One of the reasons I wanted to open up my relationship with Jon and Alex was a desire to see how far I could go. How much love I could experience, who I could become sexually, and what my limits were.

I have worked hard to get to a place in my life where I don't feel guilty or ashamed of my sexuality. I don't want to lie or keep dark, dirty little secrets. I want to celebrate and expand who I am.

I know a couple with three adopted kids. They're great dads and husbands, but every so often, one of them will stay home with the kids while the other goes out for the night, with the aim of being as slutty as possible. Maybe it's at a bathhouse or a sex party, or maybe it's pizza and cuddling at a motel with some guy they met on Scruff. It doesn't matter. It's just a chance to be something different than what the pressures of family and parenthood demand, to escape the limits that society and life try to place on us.

We spend so much time defining and limiting who we are: Top, bottom, polyamorous, monogamous, kinky, vanilla. We define and box others in with words like "slut," words which demean them for being sexual. But I believe that the more we explore and open ourselves up to new experiences, the more those limits and definitions fall away.

I can be the hungriest, most submissive bottom in the world, or the roughest, most alpha top. I can want something with a stranger that I don't want to be with my husband. My only limits are those I place on myself, and the ways I define who I am.

"I was wondering," Anderson said to me that day, "if I could be dom one day—maybe I could be someone's Dom Daddy?"

Why not? Sex is intimate and loving, something you can share with the most important people in your life—but it's also playful, and a way to explore and discover things about yourself. Why limit ourselves? It takes courage to break down the ways we define who we are, because it can threaten our masculinity and our identity, but once we do it, something opens up: a you you never knew existed. A kind of freedom emerges.

"I wonder if Chad would let me tie him up," Anderson said. "That would be fun."

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Pagolins, Earth’s Most Beautiful and Trafficked Creatures, Finally Get Protection

The pangolin is the only known mammal with scales. Pangolins are beautiful, precious little creatures, often likened to an artichoke with legs. According to NPR, they’re also the world’s most trafficked mammals. Luckily for these little cuties, the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species, or CITES, has officially banned commercial trading of pangolins.

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Kids Tell Us How to Deal with Normal Life Now that Summer’s Over

Photo by August Linnman, via Wikimedia Commons

This article originally appeared on VICE Spain

Given the state of the world today, you're pretty lucky to have a job. That's easy to forget though, when you're just returning from your summer vacation and only have grey skies and wet socks to look forward to in the months that lie ahead. Once you're back in that daily work routine, you know the healthy color on your face and butt will quickly fade, that project manager who's always breathing heavily and munching on a bag of raw almonds will be back at your side all day, and everything will be shit again. So yeah, no—not something to look forward to.

It wasn't always like that—remember being eight and dying to get back to school after two excruciatingly long summer months of doing absolutely nothing? That feels like a very, very long time ago. That's why we asked a couple of kids and teenagers about what it's like for them to get back to school after the summer, and for some advice on how to deal with getting back to normal life.

Carlota López, 5

VICE: Grown-up people often fall into a deep, dark pit of despair when they have to return to work after their summer vacations. How do you feel about going back to school?
Carlota: I'm not sad because I get to play with my best friend, Chester.

What's the best thing about going back to school, and what's the worst?
I like being with my friends, but the worst thing is getting up early in the morning. I don't like it when someone wakes me up. Sometimes, I dream about Esquitx—that's my favorite pony at my riding school—and when they wake me up from those dreams I get so angry.

Do you like being away from your parents while you're at school?
Yes, I have a great time without adults. I like painting and playing with Lego and Memory. And when my friends and I are on the playground we play farts.

You play farts?
No, I was joking!

What advice would you give me to make me feel better about having to go back to work?
Arse, arse, arse! Are you happy now?

Elvis Sabín, 10

VICE: What motivates you to go back to school after the summer?
Elvis: I think about being with my friends again. Besides, school isn't very hard at the beginning of the year. It gets harder later as the months go by but by then, I'll be more used to being back in school.

What do you like best about going back to school, and what's the worst thing about it?
Having fun with my friends is the best thing—we usually spend the morning break in the courtyard talking and having a second breakfast, and we play during the longer lunch break. We also have fun when we read in the library, for example. It's good that it's not so hot in school after summer, too. But I don't like homework or my language classes and exams.

What is the best breakfast to fuel up for the return to routine?
I like toast with tomato and ham, or cheese or spicy sausage. And fruit.

Do you like being away from your parents when you're in school?
That's a really difficult question. What I like most is being away from my brother for a while, because during the summer we spend all day together and that's dead boring at the end. But my parents—I don't know, I don't care. They don't bother me. My brother is a bit younger than me, and he bothers me. Sometimes.

What is your advice for adults like me who have to go back to work now?
I always see adults sitting around on sofas, and enjoying just sitting and doing nothing. So take the sofa with you! Or get a job where you can sit on a sofa. If that exists, of course. Does it exist?

Carolina Garcia, 15

VICE: How do you feel about going back to high school now that summer's over?
Carolina: I have some new subjects this year and I'm really curious about who will be in my class. I've always loved learning new things, but I hate waking up early and studying.

Does going back to school feel different now than when you were little?
It may sound stupid but when I was little, I always wanted to go back to school to see my teachers. I adored them—now they're the last thing I want to see.

Who do you think is more excited—you about going back to school or your parents about going back to work?
Well, these days it's a blessing to have a job. I don't think they're looking forward to going back that much—they just don't complain because they're happy to have a job and they need the work.

Do you think grown-ups complain too much about work?
During the school year, yes, I think that you complain too much. You don't have to study, you don't have assignments with absurd deadlines. But I guess you have the right to complain—it's a huge responsibility to bring money home, to depend on your job, and have others depend on it. You get to change the world a little bit with the work you do.

Edu Torredeflot, 18

VICE: Are you looking forward to going back to college now that summer's over?
Edu: Yes, and no. This will be my second year studying journalism and I'm excited about going to class because I like my subjects, my classmates, and university life in general. But it's obviously sad that three months of doing absolutely nothing have come to an end.

Don't you find it a drag to go back to your daily routine after all this time?
A little bit, yeah. The truth is that you're very motivated the first few days but then you lose momentum and when the first month comes to a close, you're fucking bored again. But right now, I'm really looking forward to get back to university life, see my friends and get started.

What advice would you give people who have to go back to work now?
The first days will be difficult but once you're back in your routine, time will fly by and before you know it, it will be summer again.