Tag Archives: The VICE Guide to Right Now

Some Gin Bottles in Canada Had Double the Labeled Amount of Alcohol

Congratulations to all the Canadians who have done dumb shit while bombed on Bombay Sapphire in the past couple of months, you've just earned yourself a hell of an excuse.

You can now explain some of it away because, as it turns out, some bottles of Bombay Sapphire were a lot fucking stronger than advertised. So, if you punched your fist through that Corvette window, slept with that person at the bar you really shouldn't have slept with, or stole your neighbor's cat, well, it's now on the gin.

We know this because an investigation by the Liquor Control Board of Ontario quality assurance team found out that some of the gin was a little more ginny than it should have been.

"This recall was initiated after an investigation by LCBO Quality Assurance revealed a deviation in the stated 40 percent alcohol content by volume," reads a news release by the board. "The affected lot... has alcohol content by volume of 77 percent."

Hell yeah, that's so much more bang for your buck.

Not everyone followed that particular line of logic though—Saskatchewan, Quebec, Nova Scotia, and Newfoundland have all followed Ontario's lead in pulling the liquor from the shelves. Turns out having more alcohol in your drink than you advertised is, understandably, a major no-no.

Furthermore, this isn't the first time that extra-boozy booze has wound up on the shelves in Ontario. A few moths ago, the province recalled Georgian Bay Vodka because, again, it would fuck you up more than it was supposed to (the vodka, sold at 40 percent, had some bottles with up to 80 percent.)

Next time, just drink a whiskey—you can always blame it on whiskey.

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.

Tony Hawk Took a Selfie with This Guy After His Car Burst into Flames

Gone are the days of admiring rats for trying to eat an entire slice of pizza, of smiling down at them from a subway platform as they scurry along the tracks, of taking them home as pets and feeding them bok choy. These are times of war, and for one Brooklyn man, the rats struck first.

Last Friday, Alec Steinfeld was driving to work from Brooklyn to Manhattan when he caught a whiff of roadkill, local station WGN reports. He kept on driving, knowing that encountering a dead animal in New York wasn't too out of the ordinary. But once he got to the Lower East Side of Manhattan, the smell had developed into an olfactory cocktail of burned plastic and death, and smoke started to billow out of his vehicle.

"Then smoke started to pillar," Steinfeld wrote on Facebook. "I pulled over and got out of the car."

Then his Volkswagen just burst into flames, and the fire department dispatched a truck to come put it out, though within three minutes, his engine was toast. When he popped the hood, he found two dead baby rats inside—his first clue as to what the hell he'd been smelling during his drive. He took a closer look and discovered that they'd nibbled through his electrical wiring, likely suffering a brutal end. Soon, two more rats emerged from the wheel of his car, where presumably they had been camping out, munching on his car's insides.

As if rats blowing up your car in the middle of Manhattan isn't weird enough, Steinfeld's day took an even stranger turn, and out of the smoke plumes, a golden ray of light emerged. As his car was spiraling into a fiery doom, he noticed Tony Hawk, the pro skater, was standing nearby filming the whole hellish scene before him.

Screengrab via WGN's broadcast report

"So I am watching my car get mauled by a rat fire, seeing Tony Hawk capture this across the street," Steinberg told WGN.

Though the Birdman didn't really do anything to help Steinberg out, he did join him for a selfie, which isn't nothing.

Photo from Alec Steinberg's Instagram

Just another Friday in Gotham, baby.

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.

Japan Is Apparently Struggling to Meet Its Ninja Quota

There are a lot of reasons to visit Japan—the food, the fashion, the eclectic city streets of Tokyo—but now some are worried that the demand for ninjas has gotten so high that there aren't enough of them to entertain the influx of people visiting the country, the Telegraph reports.

Back in the day, ninjas were a legendary warrior force in Japan. According to the Independent, they were often recruited to work as spies or assassins, dishing out their distinct brand of violence using throwing stars or poisoned darts. Working as a ninja in Japan today is a lot more of a PR gig but still requires a special skill set in the art of ancient ninjutsu—unarmed combat, acrobatics, and sword fighting.

Apparently, some people who manage these entertaining ninja squads say that they're just not seeing these basic skills in many of their applicants and the demand has gotten out of control.

"With the number of foreign tourists visiting Japan on the increase, the value of ninja as tourism content has increased," Takatsugu Aoki, manager of the Tokugawa Ieyasu and Hattori Hanzo Ninja Squad, told a local Japanese newspaper. "There are more employment choices while ninja shows held across the country have become popular, not to mention other attractions."

Aoki's squad has seen a major drop in applicants since 2016, when more than 230 people applied to join its seven-person ninja team. The gig was advertised globally and boasted a salary of $1,600 a month. So far this year, the squad has received only 22 applications, and Aoki believes competition is partially to blame.

"I feel there is a ninja shortage," he said.

All Your Favorite Marvel Heroes Team Up in the First ‘Defenders’ Trailer

After each facing off against their own respective bad guys, Netflix's Marvel heroes are back in the first trailer for The Defenders, pulling their individual super powers together to face-off against some very well-dressed ninjas.

In the official trailer Netflix dropped Wednesday, Matt Murdock—blind lawyer by day, Daredevil by night—comes to the legal aid of Jessica Jones, a super strong private detective. Meanwhile, the unbreakable Luke Cage meets Danny Rand and tries to figure out what his whole glowing fist thing is all about. Soon the team learns it has to work together (and tolerate one another) to beat on some fancy ninjas, led by Sigourney Weaver's villainous Alexandra, in a long white hallway.

Like it did with its respective Avengers heroes, Marvel has already produced each of the good guys' backstories in individual lead-ups to the blockbuster event. The plan started well with Daredevil, which was a brutal, dark contrast to the Marvel Cinema Universe films. The second series, Jessica Jones, was widely celebrated for its handling of sexual abuse. Luke Cage faltered in the second half of the season and seemed to be suffering from superhero overload. Then the whole train sort of fell apart with the wildly panned Iron Fist, a show about a blond white guy learning mystic Asian kung-fu, which was criticized both for being both kind of racist and completely boring.

Still, the superhero gravy train rolls on and The Defenders will hit Netflix in August. Check out the trailer above and watch all your favorite Marvel heroes—plus, I guess, Iron Fist—trade moody quips before bashing on some bad guys while Nirvana plays in the background.

The Defenders premieres on Netflix on August 18.

A Teacher Mimicked ‘Breaking Bad’ and Got Arrested for Cooking Meth

In a strange case of real life imitating TV, a former chemistry teacher in New Mexico—of all places—recently pleaded guilty to manufacturing meth after apparently giving the Breaking Bad lifestyle a try, the Las Cruces Sun-News reports.

According to a statement from the Dona Ana County district attorney's office, John W. Gose, 56, taught science in public schools across the area before he embarked on his brief crime stint. He had just retired teaching eighth grade when local cops pulled him over one fateful night in October 2016, noticing a suspicious-looking styrofoam cooler in his car. Inside they found glassware, rubber tubing, and some freaky chemicals, which—as anyone who's seen Breaking Bad can attest—is basically the meth-cooking starter pack.

The cops then checked out Gose's place and unearthed another set of meth-related paraphernalia. He reportedly had enough hardware to manufacture up to about a pound of blue, worth almost $45,000. But instead of dedicating his life to outsmarting the cops and ruling the underground narcotics trade with an iron fist, Gose decided to plead guilty in April. Now he's looking at a maximum sentence of 20.5 years in prison.

"That the defendant in this case chose to plead guilty to all of the charges is a testament to the strength of the investigation," district attorney Mark D'Antonio said in a statement. "Thanks to the hard work of the Las Cruces Police Department, the New Mexico State Police, and the prosecutors in this office, we are able to close the books on this case of life imitating art while saving the taxpayers of New Mexico the cost of a jury trial."

Gose isn't the only drug dealer with uncanny similarities to Walter White. When Breaking Bad debuted in 2008, an Alabama man had already spent years building a massive meth empire. His name? Walter White.

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.

A Killer Whale Pod Is On a Killing Spree Off California’s Coast

One should not fuck with an orca.

Orcas are the wolves of the water: they are smart, they are strong, they are vicious. I mean, we call them killer whales. A pod of these water locked marauders are living up to their name as they go on a killing spree in California's Monterey Bay according to Nancy Black, a marine biologist in the area.

The pod involved in every single one of the kills is about nine strong. Recently, the pod treated a crew of whale watchers to a lifetime of nightmares when they slaughtered a grey whale calf in front of them.

Black said that since April 20 they have taken down five grey whale calves in ten days and that an orca she calls Emma is leading the attacks.

"It's her mother, (Emma) her daughter, and her granddaughter, plus another couple of her offspring," Black told the Mercury News. "So it's a whole family, because killer whales do live in family groups."

Emma and the rest of her fam have been joined by other orcas who want in on the fun. The first kill involved about 33 of the creatures—the hanger-ons probably came after hearing folktales of about the the crew. As for why this particular pod is so bloodthirsty, the explanations vary. It may be because the grey whales were late migrating to the bay this year so the orcas were particularly hungry for their traditional meal of baby grey whale, or they may be teaching their young to hunt.

Read More: Thanks to Climate Change, Killer Whales May Become the North's Top Predator

Either way, Black said that the Emma and her pod are "very good" at killing. They were able to murk a grey whale calf in 20 minutes the other day—something that takes a typical pod several hours.

It is unknown whether the orcas will continue their killing spree but, for good measure, take my hand child, let us pray they never find out about their brethren we keep in captivity.

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.

Seth Rogen Is Working on a Movie About a Terrible Music Festival

So, turns out that Seth Rogen and the Lonely Island crew are working on a movie about a music festival going to shit. Talk about serendipitous timing, given they couldn't ask for a better marketing campaign than the dumpster fire that was the Fyre music festival.

"This seems like a good time to mention the movie we are making with [the Lonely Island] about a music festival that goes HORRIBLY WRONG," Rogen tweeted.

Read more: Help, I'm Still Stuck in Hell, AKA Fyre Festival

The Lonely Island followed up with a tweet in which they jokingly said they were thinking about suing the people behind the festival.

For the few people uninitiated into the glory that is the Fyre Festival here's a little catch up: The festival was sold as a "luxury" music festival for loaded young people—one where they could mix with "influencers" and models. It was co-founded by Ja Rule and Billy McFarland. When some peeps showed up early to the festival they found not luxury but an complete and utter shitshow.

The tents weren't fully constructed, garbage was everywhere, there were apparently sharks off the coast, and, among other things, the exquisite culinary experience they were promised turned out to be a salad and some bread with cheese thrown on top. The festival goers went to Twitter to express their horror with the event and the internet, overdosing on rich kid schadenfreude, had a heyday.

As for Rogen's movie, the details remain scarce but it's going to be an uphill battle to write anything funnier than rich millennials 'gramming their bread and cheese plates.

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.

A Serial Shaver Is Terrorizing Cats in Virginia

According to the Roanoke Times, some weirdo has been abducting and shaving people's cats since December, sending a small town outside Richmond, Virginia, on a hunt for a mysterious, fur-obsessed criminal.

Police said at least seven cats have been snatched from outside their owners' homes and completely shaved, returning unharmed shortly thereafter. At first, cops thought some strange, benevolent friend of the feline race was spaying and neutering strays. But then they realized many of the cats were obviously people's pets—sporting collars and tags—and some of the same animals had been targeted. 

Once it became clear that Waynesboro, Virginia, was dealing with a serial kitty shaver, the cats' owners started to take matters into their own hands. They've put up flyers around the neighborhood, asking folks to call the police with any info they have about the culprit, whose behavior they say is "very upsetting to the cats." 

Photo courtesy of waynesboro.com

Because no one has actually laid eyes on the sadistic barber, or come forward as a witness, there's no way of telling if he (or she) is acting alone. For what it's worth, our best guess is that he's probably in cahoots with The Watcher or those creepy clowns who terrorized the South last summer. You find one weirdo, and—just maybe—you find them all.

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.

Milo Yiannopoulos Got $12M to Start a Touring Company for Trolls

A few secret investors reportedly gave former Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos $12 million to start a new company to bring right-wing YouTubers on tour, Vanity Fair reports

Milo Inc., which will be based out of Miami and employ around 30 people, is a media company meant to compete with the Blaze and Infowars. But from the sounds of it, the new venture will be less like like a conservative news outlet and more like Live Nation for trolls, or an American Idols Live tour if all of the singers were replaced with people yelling about globalism.

"I'm the proof of concept," Yiannopoulos told the magazine. "The thing about me is that I have access to a talent pipeline that no one else even knows about. All the funniest, smartest, most interesting young YouTubers and all the rest of them who hate feminism, who hate political correctness." 

Yiannopoulos got his start as the instigator of Gamergate and kicked off the current culture war related to free speech on college campuses. He then lost his editing job at Breitbart, a six-figure book deal, and a speaking slot at CPAC after old footage resurfaced of him saying relationships between younger boys and older men can be "hugely positive experiences." 

After that happened, it seemed like Yiannopoulos was done. But on April 21, he wrote a Facebook Post announcing a multi-day event called Milo's Free Speech Week planned for later this year in Berkeley, California. He also released a weird compilation video declaring that MILO IS COMING––although there was no real indication of what that meant. But now we now know he's apparently returning to ring-lead a group of racist teen vloggers.

"This generation that's coming up, it's about 13, 14, 15, now have very different politics than most other generations," he told Vanity Fair in an odd choice of words for someone who's career was recently derailed for seeming to condone child molestation. "They love us. They love me, and I'm going to be actively hunting around for the next Milo."

Follow Allie Conti on Twitter.

An Ivy League A Capella Group Got Booted for Hazing with Icy Hot

Apparently not all of Cornell's singing groups are as mild-mannered as Here Comes Treble. This week the university had to kick its oldest all-male a cappella group off campus for hazing incoming members, alerting the larger world to the fact that a) Cornell has an all-male a cappella group called "Cayuga's Waiters," and b) even a cappella groups haze their pledges. 

According to the Associated Press, the Ivy League club made members put Icy Hot on their genitals, forced them to get naked and take a bath in ice water, and gave booze to underage kids. The Waiters also required pledges to "race up and down a street and then consume foods," according to Cornell's judicial report

When the school launched an investigation into the Waters, members admitted the group had a history of putting pledges through weird rituals dating back at least ten years. In some cases, alumni from the group even came back to help terrorize new members. The University Hearing Board called the club's hazing rituals "extremely serious," "dangerous," and "humiliating." After a temporary suspension in 2016, Cornell's University Review Board (URB) decided it was best to shut down the club permanently.

"This behavior has no place at Cornell," Cornell's then-president Elizabeth Garrett said in a statement. "I agree with the URB that dismissal of the organization is appropriate."

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.